Dedicated sa inyong lahat na malayo sa akon...

Bluebird, the symbol of love, happiness, and renewed hope.

Ala lang medyo nahohomesick ako ngayon, bukod sa pagmalling ko kanina, halos dalawang araw na akong nasa kama lang at pinagpapahinga itong aking mga buto na ewan ko ba at nagsimulang nanakit nung ako ay tumuntong ng kuwarenta. Towards the end of the day, halos di na ako makalakad. Kelangan kong magpatingin agad sa GP bukas. More than five years ago, nadiagnose ako na malakas ang bone erosion (nasa lahi namin), tapos di ko inisip na magtake ng calcium supplement regularly dahil, ewan ko ba. Ngayon, kelangan na talaga para gumaling tong mga buto ko, feeling ko may mga gasgas eh. Dapat may ibang vitamin or mineral component yung formula in tandem with the calcium, para mahusay ang absorption nito.

Anyway, balik tayo usapan. Saan ba ang home para sa akon? Home to me aside from being cuddled in the Lord's loving arms, is lying in bed sa gitna ni Mamu at Papu. Kung saan we would travel through time and history; retracing their steps, the family's steps. And then Papu would sing old songs or gospel songs or hymnals. Mamu and I would sing along whenever we can, kung alam namin ang lyrics. Usually coz of my Protestant background, mas marami akong alam kay Mamu. Here's one of my favorites:

May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You ('Til We Meet Again)

May the good Lord bless and keep you, whether near or far away.
May you find that long-awaited golden day today.
May your troubles all be small ones, and your fortune ten times ten.
May the good Lord bless and keep you 'til we meet again.

May you walk with sunlight shining and a bluebird in ev'ry tree.
May there be a silver lining back of ev'ry cloud you see.
Fill your dreams with sweet tomorrow. Never mind what might have been.
May the good Lord bless and keep you 'til we meet again.

May the good Lord bless and keep you 'til we meet ('til we meet),
'Til we meet ('til we meet) again.

On Capturing the Essence of Crystal...

If I were to make a quick assessment of Crystal's personality, I'd take it from her smiling chinky eyes. Great shot Ness! Kulimbat from Crystal's Friendster Photos.

Good Morning Sunshine....

I was roused by a gentle nudge at around 5 am the other day. I knew who that nudge was coming from, I'm familiar with it. Then I heard the voice, not audible but from the spirit, "rise up and listen to what I have to say to you this morning." As I rose from my bed I felt inclined to peer through my curtains. Lo and behold, the day's sun was there, rising up majestically in the skies, glowing profusely as if welcoming me with much anticipation and excitement.

"Just as I bring up the sun to flood the earth with light each single day, so shall there be sunrise to bring hope in your life each morning, trust in Me and find rest in your spirit."

The promise snapped me out of weeks of spiritual and soulish bleakness and I was again singing this song from my youth,

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning
New every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness oh Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness...

We are all important to Him.

I could not put this book down........a triumph of the spirit!

I didn't put the book down until the very last page, that is after five hours of straight reading (well, I've to admit with short pauses: at some points to wipe unbashedly flowing tears, but more often to absorb the impact of certain triumphant moments in the life of Immaculee Ilibagiza). It's actually been two years since I read a story as engrossing as this one, the previous book (entitled A Child Called It) was about an abused child whose resilience and strength of spirit saw him through psychologically harrowing experiences under the hands of his very own mother. Anyway...

I've been experiencing bouts of what you may call "dark nights of the soul" lately and when I went to the bookstore after work yesterday, I was specifically looking for something motivational. The title of the book caught my attention (I actually perceived the subtitle as having a special invitational glow, literally!), "Left to Tell, Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust." I simply knew there was something in there for me and I was right.

To be a victim or survivor of a genocide, what more could be worse in this life? Yet, the heroine with sheer tenacity of faith, discipline in prayer and reverence for God, experienced the miraculous at every point of her sorrowful and perilous journey to freedom and a God-led destiny. Yes, the book bears graphic details of the hard to comprehend reality of one human committing gross evil acts toward another. But the latent spirituality of Immaculee's message shone through the pages; sustaining her powerful message of filial love, faith in God and humanity, forgiveness, hope and resilience.

I emerged from the book with a refreshed view of how God can be so personal to those who call upon His Name (just the exact assurance that I needed concerning life issues at the moment). With the firm belief that long before we were born, He knew the paths we were going to take and has already provided avenues and opportunities that would lead us to the fulfillment of our God-designed destinies, if we would only listen to His shepherd-like voice.

The book is compelling, it is about the crudely ugly and the poignantly beautiful; a gripping account of a victorious young woman's profoundly bittersweet journey (she lost most of her family)with God through the Rwandan genocide in 1994 and beyond.

This book is definitely a "Must Read."

Ang Kinumos na Mustasa ni Lalu...

Ewan ko ba kung bakit kanina sa trabaho I suddenly had a craving for Kinumos na Mustasa which triggered memories of when I was a kid and would watch my maternal grandmother mash mustard greens in vinegar and salt (or fish bagoong) until the leaves look sodden, having been thoroughly juiced out. The craving and memory were enough to make me rush to Whole Foods Store right after work to search for the greens. You can just imagine my delight when I found fresh huge bundles of the vegetable in the Fresh Produce section, afterall I never had the aperitif in my entire stay in Canada and did not think the somewhat exotic greens would be readily available. After quickly grabbing a small box of organic bite-sized brownies for dessert, I hurried home.

Hay kasarap, I made halo slices of onion shallots (Sibuyas na Tagalog), tomatoes, apple cider vinegar and himalayan crystal salt with the mustasa. Tapos I deep fried bangus in cocunut oil hanggang super lutong ito while boiling brown rice in cocunut milk. Grabe, I was eating my dinner while walking down memory lane. This type of meal won't be as good if you don't use your hands while eating (Pinoy style); and each time a portion of the Kinumos na Mustasa finds its way to my watery mouth, memories of my Lalu preparing the appetizer would come flashing in my mind.

I miss my Lalu, her traditional and delectable cooking, her penchant for drinking beer after dinner each night, her authentic Kundiman songs, the smell of her freshly starched garments, her sweet peculiar smile and her subdued caring ways. My Lalu went through a lot, having been widowed two times at a young age; yet she weathered the storms and responsibilities of life with bamboo-like resilience. I think I got my inclination for merchandizing from her. My Lalu supported her five kids and an adopted niece by being a tobacco and garments dealer as well as a Tindahan owner, and augmented her income from Kopra dealership (she owned a few hectares of Cocunut plantation which she later on divided amongst her kids). She'll be 97 this year and I thank God that He is sustaining her with good health and happiness.

I wish by God's grace to see and talk to my Lalu again soon, with her in the peak of health inspite of her age. Each time I took a bite of the Kinumos na Mustasa at dinner, I felt as if I was hugging my Lalu all over again.

Sigh, food and memories occasionally go hand in hand and when they do, the soul gets its nourishment as well...

Just like these flowers...

Photo taken from Crystal's Flickr Roll...

If your life is hidden in Christ and an unexpected downpour of life challenges drench you, ultimately your trust in Him will bring a sustained spiritually refreshing experience as depicted in these flowers...

"But those who wait for God will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

TGIF - a relaxing evening and oooopsss.....

She loves tsismis...

Pahinga muna teka...

Sarap sarap...

Muka akong stressed...

Bayaran per gramo from the smorgasbord of international cuisine at the Wholefoods Store.

Inggit siya sa bling bling ko - gift ni Mamu on my birthday...

Oooops, ay bastos! Ang uhaw na babae at ang kanyang nakaw at kahindik-hindik na posing!


Camera battery running-out syndrome, malabong picture...

Capping the night at a sidewalk cafe...


Sis J and I met after work and went to quaint and glitzy Yorkville Village for a TGIF (Thank God it's Friday!) celebration. You have to be here to understand why I love this European-styled community - an amalgamation or medley of high-end commercial stores, restaurants, cafes and galleries housed in colourful victorian architectures interlaced with cobblestoned narrow pathways or lanes characterize this distinctive historical spot in Toronto. Yorkville used to be a village with upper crust families living in detached or semi-detached victorian-styled houses and was converted into a commercial place over the years. The area is a mere stone throw away from where I work which makes it a convenient "tambayan" whenever I feel like having yummy coffee, exotic tea (at either Lettieri or Pusateri's), buying organic and/or natural groceries (at Whole Foods in Hazelton Mall)or the highly entertaining pastime of simply people(the kind that thrive on the other side of the income pole *sigh*) watching. Forget about the shopping part, the area, home to designer houses like Prada, Dolce and Gabbana, Chanel, Tiffany and Giorgio is simply not (yet, hmp!) within this working class denizen's pocketbook-reach.

Anywow, Sis J and I thoroughly enjoyed the evening as you can probably tell...:)

On a lighter note....

Siguro kung ganito ang buhay ko, puro tsismisan with mga aleng kapitbahay sa kalainitan ng araw habang si mister ay nagtatarbaho sa construction, magiging "malusog" din akong katulad nila. Ano kaya ang pinagkukuwentuhan nina misis? Hmmmmmm......

Kuha to sa harap ng isang gallery dyan sa tambayan ko sa Yorkville.

Salamat sa mga panalangin nyo, oks naman si Popsie and Momsie ko. Hayun, tinawagan ko kanina, kanya-kanyang sumbong parehong nagbibintang na isa sa kanila eh bingi na...wehehehe. Ganun lang yun pero hayos naman sa pagmamahalan. Nasira ang glucometer ni Pops kaya siguro masyadong mataas ang kanyang blood sugar reading lately. Nak ng tokwa naman oo, baka naman di nya kelangang mag-insulin at dahil nagloko lang yung meter kaya nagkatokweng-tokweng ang reading? Me suspetsa akong ganun yun eh.

Anyway, so much for salitang kanto, grabe ang peace na ibinibigay sa akin ni Lord. Pop and Mom are going to be okey. Salamat ulit sa mga panalangin nyo. Sa Biyernes ang unang radiation therapy ni Popsie, damay nyo sa dasal ha? Sana wala silang makita at di na matuloy yun.

Seek and you shall find....a day at Lettieri for a mug of Solspice Sippe and some curative answers...

Didn't get the chance to go out of town as planned during the Easter holidays. Learned that Pop's having a number of physical issues including stage 1 prostate cancer last Friday. Spent the time praying for healing and/or asking for wisdom and guidance into alternative ways to bring him back to peak health other than conventional medical treatment. I believe the Lord by His grace and mercy will grant him many more years of healthy and blissful existence. Prayer is the key to every good thing, so I ask anyone reading this blog to agree with us on our heavenly request for my Pop's health recovery.

I've to admit, I have yet to really get down on my knees to confer with the Lord on the matter. The Lord chooses to heal under different modalities and though instantaneous healing is the best, there are times when He guides His children to resources that are physically available in our midst. Afterall, the Lord did mention that the "leaves are for the healing of the nations."

Anyway, Pop's got a myriad of physical issues - diabetes with kidney complications, high blood pressure and prostate tumours. I would have wanted him to have a check up with a naturapath, but Mom said it might be confusing for them to hear conflicting methods of treatment at this point. Besides, they have yet to fully understand and appreciate the role of naturapaths in administering non-invasive and natural means of treating diseases. Much as I would have wanted Pop to avoid radiation, looks like he should be going for it. It's been scheduled for May after his bone scan, much too soon and squeezing in a naturapath in between is indeed a complicated move. But this would definitely be an option, if still necessary (hopefully Dr. Bingle's prescriptions would have worked by this time), when they come over to Toronto in June, God willing.

Tried my best to research on supplements he could take to improve his immune system at this point. Pop's already taking Isotonix OPC (anti-oxidants), a multi-vitamin with minerals formulation specifically designed for diabetics (a tricky thing to search for as due to his kidney issues, Pop can't ingest certain mineral supplements and should not go over the dosage limit of certain vitamins ), a herbal concoction that includes saw palmetto (if only Pop would listen and take the suggested dosage of 2 tablets instead of one!) for his prostates, and cinnamon powder diffused in green tea or mixed with his daily breakfast of oatmeal; cinnamon is known for its blood sugar regulatory effect on the body. He's not keen on taking D-Mannose (a concentrated extracted form of cranberries known to powerfully remove E Coli, the bacteria that causes chronic urinary tract infection) yet; well, I actually advised him to hold off on it pending the stability of his blood sugar readings. D-Mannose is a form of non-metabolized sugar which makes it harmless, but may still elevate Pop's blood sugar level, albeit slightly. I've recently weaned him off fish oil as some studies indicate that it raises blood sugar levels. If his readings come down, then I'd blame the fish oil supplement as one of the culprits for his consistently high blood sugar levels lately. On the other hand, he has simultaneously started on the cinnamon powder which could be the lowering factor and will make it difficult to determine if the fish oil has anything to do with the raised blood sugar levels. Anyway once Pop's blood sugar has normally leveled off, we'll experiment on the fish oil again as it is very good for the heart and kidneys. Thank God the folks in Vegas have heeded to my diet plan suggestions and have been buying groceries accordingly. Which reminds me, I've to tell them where to buy whole foods/organic foods in their area.

I believe the Lord lead me to oxygen therapy yesterday. It was sort of a "paga" moment, my thoughts crossing His wisdom. It happened when I was thinking of a way for Pop to go through a safe means of body detoxification. Herbs (the usual method) without the guidance of a naturapath is a scary option because of potential herb to drug, herb to herb or herb to nutrient reaction. Prior to the thought of "oxygen plus" crossing my mind, I read somewhere something about a certain orthomolecular doctor succesfully treating diabetics from hyperklemia with glucose injections. The word molecule lead to thoughts about cell and its most basic food - oxygen. Then the name "oxygen plus" came up. Oxygen plus is actually a product of Market America, the MLM business I was into a couple of years ago. I looked it up and decided it's not exactly what I was looking for as it's got herbs for ingredients. I proceeded to google oxygen plus and voila I stumbled into the world of oxygen therapy featuring Oxygen Elements Plus and Aerobic Oxygen. Both products are made of non-toxic stabilized electrolytes of oxygen, and have the ability to purge the body of various bacteria and viruses; as well as other toxins while providing energy at the cellular level. Numerous accounts of recovery (by using the products) from various ailments including diabetes and prostate cancer are posted on testimonial website boards. I have decided on Aerobic Oxygen for my Pop as it does not have trace minerals like Oxygen Elements Plus has, although the latter may provide more benefits because of its extra ingredients. But Aerobic Oxygen is the safer option for Pop's condition, so that's where my dollar is going.

Oxygen therapy is based on the premise that the body's healing should be addressed at the cellular level and that the abundance of oxygen (being its main food) in it is the answer to regeneration and eventually built-up of the immune system.

May the Lord bless and annoint these products to truly help my Pop in his recovery.

Did you know that you can be assured of ETERNAL LIFE in HEAVEN RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW? Read on....

Thank you Lord for Good Friday. May your Spirit open the eyes of the spiritually blind to the TRUTH that salvation is your gift to mankind and that it must be received in order to be acquired.

If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. (Romans 10:9, 10).

One may be a so-called nominal Christian, he or she thinks a mental belief in the Lord Jesus is enough to possibly bring them to heaven one day. This person banks largely on good works and/or good conscience as their future passage to the pearly gates; sadly though, they live daily on the uncertainty of those thoughts. Hear ye, hear ye, GOSPEL means GOOD NEWS and the GOOD NEWS is YOU CAN BE ASSURED OF GOING TO HEAVEN right here, right now. Look up to the cross, the Lord already bore the punishment for your sins. You have been ransomed for eternity yet out of spiritual blindness you have not run to your freedom. The Lord Jesus holds the keys and if you ASK HIM, you can be set FREE. BUT YOU MUST ASK HIM, that is a spiritual law fully respectful of mankind's free will.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from youselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph. 2:8,9).

Please note, belief is not simply mental belief that the Lord Jesus exists, even the devil has that, yet are they saved? Belief means actually embracing a personal relationship with Him by inviting Him (verbally) into our hearts to be our SAVIOUR AND LORD. YOU MUST RECEIVE THE GIFT of ETERNAL LIFE. Here's a prayer:

Dear Jesus, I repent of my sins. Thank you for your sacrifice on the cross in order to ransom me from darkness into your light. I fully surrender my life to you. Please come into my heart as my Saviour and Lord. Amen.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son."(John 3: 16-18).

I pray that you have truly embraced your salvation and taken the major step into the kingdom of God, and if you did, welcome to the family of true BELIEVERS.

I will be sailing in a peaceful ocean under the glint of the sun....

A vision from God, April 14, 2006.

I've to admit right after coming back from Vegas in January, I was soaring high on a mountain top spiritual experience. Then came the valley, and once again my communication lines with the Most High God got jumbled with numerous interferences. The cares of this world choked my re-emerging bud of faith. Not good. I tried, but I can't run away from Him; He overtakes me 101% of the time. Really, where can I hide from Him? As King David declared in Psalms 139,

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.

He can't help chasing after me, His very nature, His love compels Him to. So here I am forced to surrender once again, to simply cuddle back into His loving arms for comfort and security. I must yield to His sovereignty, such is the Christian life, He is God afterall. His sovereignty however is based on perfect love and in that I shall rejoice .

Peace is slowly regaining its foothold in my heart. His presence is beginning to bubble up from within me. For indeed,

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40: 29-31

From Acorn to Oak Tree...

Hay feeling ko bending oak tree na ako na trying hard maging acorn.

Been in bed for two days now, applying all the pain management techniques I've learned over the years to alleviate these rather severe abdominal cramps I get whenever the red flag is up during the month. Good thing I was able to rent a few good movies on my way home from work last friday - Cinderella 2 (the cartoon), The Prince and Me (watching fot the nth time) and I Will Always Love You (Richard Gutierrez and Angel Locsin - detoured to a Pinoy store). I could still hear the laughter of the sales clerk ringing through my ears as I firmly told her that I wanted movies, preferably cartoons, based on fairy tales BUT the girl has to be poor and the guy has to be rich and DEFINITELY not vice versa. Her laughter became "crunchier" upon learning that it is not for any daughter of mine coz the daughter is me...mwehehehehe...

You want my fairy tale story? Here goes...

My prince is inuuban at nirarayuma na trying to fight off the dragon manning my tower but still couldn't get through. Over time I turned into an oak tree wanting to be an acorn, penge ngang kamatis.....mwehehehehe...

Shalom!

The Gift....

Ang tanawin mula sa aking balkonahe. Minsan inspirasyon at sanhi ng pasasalamat; minsan paalala na napakalayo ko sa bayang tinubuan.


Ate and I, NAIA. Ala lang, nostalgia about the Philippine trip last year.


Nagoya International Airport. Mag-isa na ulit, panibagong pakikibaka na naman sa bansang Kanata ang susuungin.


Harbourfront. Madadalas na naman ako dito ngayong Spring, magmumuni-muni, isusulat ang "vision." Sabi kse ni Lord, "write down the vision on the tablet" eh. Isa yan sa secwet ng success, atin-atin lang ha? *Wink.*


Pag-uwi, dadaan ako dito, mamimili ng sariwang isda, gulay at prutas. Tuloy ang pagsulong sa masagana at malusog na pamumuhay, yan ang plano! Isa ito sa mga perks ng buhay ko, pampasaya sa pusong kadalasa'y nangungulila sa bayang kinalakihan.

I'm currently listening to Jim Brickman's "The Gift." And as if in a movie, I'm having flashbacks of the past year. Hay, I miss everything. I feel so alone, yet the Lord is my comfort; in times like these I wonder what tomorrow will hold, but then He holds tomorrow. So then everything will be good, even better, oui?

THE GIFT (Jim Brickman)

Winter snow is falling down
Children laughing all around
Lights are turning on
like a fairy tale come true.

Sitting by the fire we made
You're the answer when i prayed
I would find someone
and baby I found you.

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
from being broken apart
You gave your love away
and I'm thankful every day
for the gift.

Watching as you softly sleep
What I'd give if I could keep
Just this moment
if only time stood still.

But the colors fade away
And the years will make us grey
But baby in my eyes
You'll still be beautiful.

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
from being broken apart
You gave your love away
And I'm thankful every day
for the gift.

All I want is to hold you forever
All I need is you more every day
You saved my heart
from being broken apart
You gave your love away
I can't find the words to say
That I'm thankful every day
for the gift.

Pssssst...The life hidden in Jesus is the Gift....

Agam-agam sa pagtulog, bukas umaga na naman....

Siyudad ng Toronto.

Officially spring na dito sa Canada. Sumasabog na naman ang matingkad na liwanag na dulot ng araw tuwing umaga. May katagalan na naman ang pagsapit ng dilim. Parang mga langgam na luluwas na kani-kanilang lungga ang mga puti't dayuhan upang samantalahin ang kagandahan ng panahon. Mahaba ang taglamig sa bahaging ito ng mundo, kaya nama't higit na pinapahalagahan ang panahong ito - panahon nang muling pagbukadkad ng mga kaaya-ayang bulaklak, nang muling pag-usbong ng mga luntiang dahon ng puno.

Di ako makatulog, maraming iniisip. Nais kong manalangin pero sa iba't ibang kadahilana'y higit na nangingibabaw ang aking kagustuhang mag-aagam-agam ng mga bagay-bagay. Nais ko sanang isulat dito pero di na lang, nag-iiba ang interpretasyon lalo na kung pribado sa isang tao ang nilalalaman.

Siguro'y itutulog ko na lang. Bukas, panibagong pakikibaka na naman....